Teahousetheatre Reviews 

We are a local charity and decided to book afternoon tea for our lunch club members
We were promised a festive tea
Firstly no complaints about the staff but we were given cracked cups which when asked they did change but they should not be serving tea in cracked cups
We had plenty of sandwiches though it was a bit haphazard how they were served
The biggest disappointment was the cake selection well if you can call it that we expected home made cakes but all we got was shop bought mince pies and tiny cakes that had previously been frozen
Also some of the tea cosies were in need of a wash
All in all we were not happy with our experience
From my own experience of afternoon tea this was not one I would recommend
I know it was only £ 26.50 but it wasn’t worth it
Angela Abdesselam SLNCA

Extremely Dirty and Disappointing Visit

When you first step into Teahouse Theatre, it seems to have a nice atmosphere — but sadly, that’s where the positives end.

The chairs were broken, and the “comfy” ones had massive holes, clearly damaged by house cats. The rugs were filthy and neglected. We ordered a Full English breakfast, and the experience went downhill fast.

The plates had chips, and there were visible oily handprints on them. The food itself was far too greasy. We were served a filthy ketchup bottle, and after kindly asking for a cleaner one, it took 10 minutes to receive one that was only slightly better. The food was cold, and both knives were dirty.

The tea was okay, but even the tea cups had stains inside — very off-putting.

We visited about a year ago and had a wonderful experience, largely thanks to a kind and polite Asian lady who seemed to be in charge. Everything was clean, welcoming, and well-organized back then. Unfortunately, she was not there this time, and it showed.

We left feeling extremely disappointed. Standards have clearly dropped, and we won’t be returning.

On Sunday 25 My 2025, after driving to Guildford to pick up a Motability scoter with my friend, he surprised me with a visit to the Teahouse for refreshments. He had praised it highly and I was pleased upon arrival to see the inviting atmosphere and the number of customers enjoying themselves both inside and outside. My friend needed to use the toilet on arrival so I wheeled him inside towards the disabled facilities. Despite the busy thoroughfare, the well-mannered and helpful customers assisted us to reach our destination. Having worked as a care and registration inspector before retirement, as a well as for a local authority, I was disappointed by the state of the disabled toilet facilities. It was messy and in disarray, hand paper towels scattered on the floor from the small overflowing bin. My friend needed my help and support to use it. Additionally, the hot water was dangerously hot, a potential for scalding; the water temperature needs careful adjustment to avoid potential burns. Due to the crowded indoor seating, we opted to sit outside, enjoying the pleasant weather with a slight breeze. When placing our order, a young waitress approached us asking for payment in advance. I found this surprising, as we had not yet received our food. She explained that payment was normally taken first, though we later observed that other customers were not required to pay before being served. The food took a while to arrive and when it did, we were disappointed to find both plates badly chipped, with no cutlery or napkins provided. By the time these arrived, our food were cold, though still tasty. As we waited for our drinks, we requested a container to take our food home for reheating rather than letting the food go to waste.
Upon requesting the bill, the total came to £67.80. A sign on the window advertised a 10% discount for cash payments, yet when I queried this, and it was confirmed, I was told they lacked sufficient change to offer the discount. They could and should have reduced the bill. Instead, they retained the full amount paid. I mentioned my concerns about the chipped crockery, the condition of the disabled toilet and the excessively hot water at the tap in the disabled toilet.
Despite these disappointments, the tea House does offer a great atmosphere, with the enjoyable elements of chess, theatre and a picturesque location. However, the overall experience left much to be desired and I hope that the establishment addresses these issues. I also wondered whether they are familiar with the Equality Act 200, given the inconsistency in how payments were handled.
I notified three young members of staff that I would writing a review on Trust Pilot about our experience. They said they would welcome this as it should help improvements to be made.

What a negative place! We went for a xmas dinner here and it was horrible. On the same night (xmas week) they had this "poetry" night which basically was a bunch of angry and miserable people barking, screaming and complaining on a mic about the genocide of this and that people, rape and kidnapping, tory defecation (while people are eating) constant swearing, etc. We couldn't even talk and enjoy our xmas dinner since the mic was incredibly loud and the screaming was non-stop. We left of course and we are never coming back. I never went to such a negative place in my life. On top of that the food and service is very poor. If one doesn't call the staff, they never come to offer service, as other reviews say here as well.

One of our group rang to book a table and was told there was a £50 deposit for large groups. Not a problem she thought as this is common practice for groups and the deposit is deducted from the final bill. She realised afterwards that she wasn’t asked for her payment details but thought this an oversight.

We were crammed onto two rather scruffy tables more suitable for a smaller number with an odd assortment of chairs some of which were uncomfortable or wobbly. Much of the food was indifferent with the breakfast choices tending to be better than choices such as the Welsh rarebit which was dry, overcooked and on burnt toast and poor value for its £10 price.

Our big shock came when we went to pay the bill at which point we were told that the £50 deposit was a table hire charge which was in addition to any food or drink consumed. This is not normal practice and we felt it to be a sharp practice ripping off our group of elderly pensioners.

The waitress was unable to help so we asked to speak to the manager/owner who tried to say the £50 charge was for hire of the tatty tables and chairs! We protested and told him the charge seemed to be a very sharp practice and unlike anything we had previously encountered. He eventually backed down and waived the cheeky charge. The episode ruined our outing and I for at least one will not return. Groups of 12 or more should beware of the unusual table hire charge if they book and plan to visit.

The theatre cat was sweet and slept on a chair for almost all of our visit.

I went there for breakfast yesterday. (Sunday). It was busy but there was 1 table so no waiting. I had full breakfast and my daughter smoked salmon and scrambled eggs.
My egg was a little runny and there was a lot of beans but the food was lovely. Sausages, bacon, black pudding and toast with 'real butter' were very good.
We had Lady Grey tea, which was delicious.
Classical music in background, and welcoming staff who did not hurry us. We'll definitely be back.

I don’t know what it is like of an evening when it is a Theatre, but as place to eat food it is terrible.

You pay through the nose for the ambience which is quite pleasant. But unfortunately for me and my colleagues that was spoilt by poor food and tea and perhaps more worryingly, the poor hygiene of a cat running around the eating area and jumping on tables, and staff humping piles of rubbish past us the whole time we were there, including dusty old boxes and large, dirty plastic containers.

This place boasts the ‘best Full English Breakfast in London’. I genuinely thought it was amongst the worst I have ever eaten. The bacon was cold, the egg was so over cooked it was rubbery and difficult to cut and the whole mess was covered in cold beans, clearly intended to fill the plate. The toast arrived when the food was nearly finished and was cold. At £9.00 a go, I really expect something better from a breakfast than I have eaten at a greasy spoon, not worse. And this was definitely worse.

They specialise in teas here hence the name. So I tried a Gun Mint Chocolate Tea. It was £3.00 for a cup. It arrived and looked like unstirred cocoa or hot chocolate. I asked for a spoon (it didn’t come with one) and after stirring I had a taste. It tasted like weak mint hot chocolate. I was not at all impressed. Looking at the residue at the bottom of the cup, it looked like a couple of spoons of powder had been dumped in the bottom of the cup and hot water poured over it. It clearly had not been stirred until I asked for a spoon and stirred it myself. At £3.00 a cup I expect better than that.

Eventually the cat was scooped up by staff and worryingly, taken back through the same door the food had appeared from, but not before it had jumped up and clawed a colleagues clothes, getting hung up on her jumper.

So all in all, poor ambiance, food, tea and most worryingly hygiene. I recommend you steer well clear of this place for food and tea.