Junk
Junk. Junk! Junk!! JUNK!!! Pen acknowledge's it's charging, that is has charge, or that it is charged, but has never been able to turn on. The company wants me to pay shipping to send it back and get the replacement, which is half the price of the thing. I wish my wife wasn't such a moron, but I suppose she wouldn't be as hot as she is if she wasn't. I mean, what was she expecting...75% off list price...when has that ever not been a red flag for a new product. She never seems to be suspicious of these snake oil companies, either. Like never-never. Just once, it'd be nice for her to decline my advances in the bedroom with a statement like, "I'm sorry baby, but I can't stop thinking about this product I ordered from a Twit ad, today...having second thoughts about the integrity of claims presented in the 15 second ad clip, so I've gotta bit of a migraine. You know how difficult it is for me to get in the mood when I'm experiencing 'orderers remorse.' Don't worry, though...I paid a small fortune for 24 hour delivery, so my mind won't be weighed down with it by tomorrow evening."
I'm fully aware that it's 90% because she's not spending her own money, but I honestly believe she would be homeless if she wasn't so exceptionally good-looking. Or she would've accepted candy from a guy in a van on the very first day her parents let her walk to school alon and i'd never have met her. But then to add to it all, it's beneath her to return anything. I actually created a game for her, in an effort to start conditioning her to be less snotty about returning stuff. For every proof of return, i hole-punch a card. The hole-punch was custom made and hasn't paid itself off, yet, but she would absolutely cheat and lie in the game if I didn't include this protective measure.
So weird, hey...slap any outrageous, low budget, 15 minute or less infomercial in front of her and she practically piddles her pants with anticipation to order; slap a 2 hour, big budget documentary about planet earth that speaks of it being round and she has 100's of non-sensical arguments about why it's lying and that its creators should be ashamed. She never flicks through return policies etc. Never keeps track of how much she's spending. When I see she's on IG, Twit, TkTk or any other half-brained consumption app like that, I immediately pretend to spontaneously propose something, like go for dinner or lunch at a fancy restaurant, cause it's cheaper than all the credit card charges she racks up due to the junk product ads those apps exclusively cater to.







