Santa profiteering from toddlers…
Our visit to Santa’s Grotto was a masterclass in efficiency. For the bargain price of £34 for five minutes, we experienced the financial equivalent of a high-speed car chase, minus the adrenaline.
The 'magic' began and ended with Santa so deeply committed to his minimalist aesthetic that he completely omitted the gift-giving portion of the program. I suppose in 2025, 'The Gift of Presence' is the new corporate branding for 'We forgot the toy sack.'
It takes a special kind of talent to charge nearly £7 per minute to watch an elderly man in polyester with so much hair on his face that my toddler was traumatised by the Yeti. If you’re looking to lighten your wallet and disappoint your offspring in record time, I cannot recommend this festive shakedown enough. Truly, a Christmas miracle for the venue’s profit margins."

